O.k, so after some noir movies, new and old over the past few days I have been inspired in some ways to change my story and actually make it more like what you would would see in a modern movie. I have decided to add a bit more action and excitement to my piece.
the revised piece starts the same with a lonely taxi driver finally talking to a woman he's interesting in, they bond etc. But whilst he's driving, he stops at a red light. Out of nowhere the car becomes set upon by a gang of robot thief's and they attempt to rob his taxi. MARK trys to fight back and gets his chest plate smashed in the process. Eventually the robbers grab SALLY and threaten to hurt her if he doesn't give up. MARK does and the robbers, still with SALLY flee the scene. MARK stands there, helpless and beaten watching the gang run off. He stands there, partially in shock, and partially because he is scared. After a few moments mark feels a pain in his chest and looks down. A red light, very faint, but still bright enough to make out emerges from his broken chest plate. You can see it visibly struggling trying to grow bigger and brighter until it bursts in to a bright red glowing heart shape. MARK, still perplexed, but with some sense of purpose quickly hops back into the cab and races off in the direction in which they fled. He begins searching, looking down every side street and alleyway but he can see no sign of them or her. still searching hours later with less hope of finding her he finally spots something out of the corner of his eye that appears to be a body slumped in an alleyway. He gets out of the car and runs over to it only to realise it is her. Panicking on the inside but calm on the outside he bends down to check for any signs of life. after a long search he finds a faint sound of internal parts working and he beams with happiness. He then proceeds to pick her up and put her in the back of the cab to take her to the hospital. On the way, without MARK noticing, SALLY wakes up briefly, looks her rescuer up and down and recognises who it is, She is happy, and slowly we can see a red light beginning to grow in her chest.
I have also changed the setting of this story from a 1930s-ish city to a more futuristic dystopia.
I am also toying with the idea of adding subtle colour to this story but still keeping noir principles. Similar to films like blade runner and drive.
